My Dialogue

This post was inspired by this comic:

When I read this, I thought to myself, "Self, who would I choose to follow me around and do my dialogue for me? I thought to myself and came down to a list of people that would really be my voice:


Paul Reubens a.k.a. Pee-Wee Herman


I don't know why I wouldn't want him as my voice. He has this can-do attitude and that squeekity-squeek that some would consider adorable. I feel that being adorable would upgrade me to the status of a baby that just so happens to be adorable. Yeah, that's right. I secretly want to be an adorable baby but in an older and more intelligent form. Wait, let's rephrase that. I want to be me but somehow adorable at the same time.

Possible Voice

Rick Jeanneret a.k.a. announcer for the Buffalo Sabres


He, like me, tends to say random things off of the top of his head. He announces for my favorite hockey team (sorry Nashville, you're in the Western Conference but let's face it, you're pretty far east) and he sounds like he could say some cool things like my order at a restaurant.

Buffalo wins it in ooooovertime!

Special Guest Dead Guy: Mel Blanc, voice of: Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Sylvester the Cat, Tweety Bird, Foghorn Leghorn, Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote, Woody Woodpecker, Barney Rubble, Mr. Spacely, Speed Buggy, Captain Caveman, Heathcliff, Speedy Gonzales, Elmer Fudd and hundreds of others.


Even though he died way back in the year 1981 C.E. (I'm sad that that it's no longer A.D. Not because of religious purposes, it is just that I liked knowing what it stood for whenever it was a trivia question (Anno Domini)), I still would bring this guy back to life for the sole purpose of being the voice of my life dialogue. He would surprise me every day with some crazy voice that he has in his arsenal I say, I say, Arsenal (Foghorn Legohorn is still one of my favorite cartoon characters)

P.S. If you see the link that says the location of this post, don't think of it as where I am posting this from. I am just searching random places and saying that that is my location. The first place: Royal Ascot Racecourse


The Daumenator has spoken

Simple English Wikipedia

I'm upset. Why? Well, I'll tell you. There are two reasons for me being upset right now. The first is that lately I have not been able to say the phrase "I do declare" in a Southern United States accent without someone questioning my authority to say that. The second reason for me being upset is that I found the "Simple English" version of Wikipedia. Some of you might be wondering, "Why is that bad?" Well I'll tell you why. I do declare that Simple English Wikipedia makes me feel like I can't understand full length Wikipedia articles. I fell I, and most other people (by that, I mean the literate ones) can understand a Wikipedia article.


You know that article that I took from Wikipedia that was about bodyguards? Well that is in the Simple English Wikipedia. Instead of a long elaborate page on the subject, here is what was written:

Bodyguard 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A Bodyguard is a security guard who physically protects a person against injury. Very often, important people, like heads of state, actors, and powerful or wealthy people have bodyguards.

What was that? Can you see why I am upset? This was a clear "dumbing-down" of an important article about bodyguards.

This has made me so upset that I don't even know what to say anymore. I'm out of here.

The Daumenator has spoken

The Tale of Mortimer Tibbits

Authors Note: This is a story that I made up. I am slowly, but surely trying to improve my writing skills. This may be an awful story. This may be a terrible story. The point is, I am trying to write more and more to eventually develop my skillz, yo. Someone once told me that if I kept writing, I would become a better writer. Also, Mortimer Tibbits is not a real person. Or so I think. After I finished writing this, I found out that there was someone named George Mortimer Tibbits, but I liked the name too much, so I decided to keep the name as it was. Enjoy the story.

Mortimer Tibbits was sitting alone in his small mansion contemplating whether it was possible to call a mansion small or not. He often found himself caught up in trivial questions such as this one. What made that thought even more interesting was the fact that he didn't know if he should be angry at his small mansion or if he should be dancing in his fancy pants because he owned a mansion. As his uncle, Barnaby Tibbits, once said, "A mansions a mansion, no matter how small." Throughout his life, Mortimer stuck by those words. In his elementary school art class, instead of drawing houses, Mortimer drew mansions. They looked exactly the same to everyone else, but to Mortimer, the drawings of mansions represented his superior drawing capabilities when compared to the inferior "doodles," as the peasants called them, of houses.

In conversation, Mortimer found that he stated the most mundane information about himself to anyone. He would say things such as his favorite color, species of cat, and tree , which were lavender, persian, and elm, respectively, to any person that he had never met before. This habit was something that he kept with him to adulthood. Normal and rational people would question his behavior, but the more money you have, the less people question your actions.

Mortimer also had a faithful companion by his side to both keep him company and to remind him that he had responsibilities to take care of. His pet dog, Joshua, was a Scottish Deerhound that Mortimer had owned since he was about thirteen years old. Joshua never said much. He preferred to save his words for special occasions. It's not that Joshua could talk, it was just that after eight years, both Mortimer and Joshua gained knowledge of what the other was trying to say on a general basis.


On any given Wednesday afternoon, Mortimer, would typically stroll along the grounds, inspecting his property, and keeping watch for intruders on his premises. But today called for a change in events. On this very Wednesday, Mortimer Tibbits was expecting an arrival of a certain individual that would alter the course of his life. Mortimer was usually a fellow of a calm personality and a cool head, but the time he spent waiting for the arrival, stretched his limits and he became more anxious by the minute. Joshua could feel the change in his master and tried to calm Mortimer by fetching a ball that he would use to divert mortimer's attention.


But as grand as it was, the ball was no use, for at that moment, the doorbell rang, causing Mortimer to jump out of his chair and rush towards the doorway. The head butler of the estate, James, had to intervene and stop the lord of the land from opening the door himself. After a moments pause, with Mortimer waiting in the entrance hall, the door opened to reveal the head of the Cannoli Crime Family, Tony Tromboni.


Mortimer was stunned. He did not, nor did anyone else, expect such an unexpected arrival. Not once had it ever occurred to him that Tony would appear at his doorstep on this day of all days. Mortimer had no option but to clear this intruder upon his property away. The only obstacle was that he had no idea on how to carry out the interesting deed.

"Good heavens!" cried Mortimer. "What the cheese are you doing on my property at this time? I have a previous engagement, I'll have you know."


"I knows this," replied Tony with a confidence that he had gained from his profession. "I just am here to deliver a certain message to you from the boss, if you know what I mean."


"What kind of message?" asked Mortimer, who was still stunned that Tony was even there. "I don't believe that now is the time for anything drastic, you ruffian."


Tony seemed taken aback by Mortimer's comment. He did not understand the meeting of ruffian, but he could assume what Mortimer meant. "Woah, let's not get to personal here. I have other things I could be attending to, if you know what I mean."


"Well then, what is your message if you in such a hurry?"


"Well, according to the big kahuna, if you know ---"


"I know what you mean, just spit it out!"


"Easy there, you don't have to take this kind of unfriendly tone with me, if you know what I... well... you know. Anyways, I gots to say that I am the one to inform you that 'Louie's pasta party' has been cancelled. There was some 'mix-up' in the preparations if you know -wait- if you catch my drift."


Mortimer seemed to take this information with surprise as Tony then left Mortimer's estate in his horse drawn carriage. Mortimer then had his butler, James, close the door as Mortimer slowly trotted away and reach his original chair once more. Joshua came up to Mortimer's left side and rested once more, gazing at the slowly dying fire.


It was several more minutes before James the butler came to Mortimer and asked, "What do you wish for me to do sire?"


Mortimer hesitated before replying, "well, if you were listening to my previous conversation with Tony, the party has been henceforth 'cancelled.' Could you please run a message to Lady Grey stating that she should not be expecting my carriage to be arriving at her house to take to Louie's shindig? That would be all, James."


"Very well, sire. I shall inform her estate of the recent events. I'm sure she will understand." James then walked away to inform the rest of the Tibbit estate.


"Oh, there is one more thing that I must add, James." Mortimer interjected.


"And what would that be, sire?"


"Could you tell the chef to stop baking the lasagna for the party? Tell him to just bake enough for this estate tonight."


"As you wish."

--The End--

The Daumenator has written

Justin Bieber Compatibility

Yeah, that's right. i took the "Would Justin Bieber Date You?" Quiz and I did very well. I got a message stating:

He Thinks You're Sweet You are the perfect girl for Justin. He is kind of goofy and totally romantic, he wants a girl who could be the Juliet to his Romeo. You are sweet and passionate, and are a sucker for romance, which makes you a perfect match!

Hold on. Let's zoom in on this here picture:

Booyah! Who's jealous of that right there?

I filled out all the information that was true to myself. The only thing I lied about was that my name, which I said was Jessica Rabbitt.

Now I'm not saying. I'm just saying, but I feel pretty confident that I could walk up to Justin Bieber and get him to think I'm sweet.

The Daumenator has spoken