I do not have a great amount of musical talent. I can listen to music and think to myself, "I couldn't play that." There are a few songs that are exceptions to that. They include "Lady Madonna," "Linus & Lucy," and "Oh, Susanna." Those are just on the piano and can be guaranteed by me to be played at some point in time or another.
I've written some songs. They are not Grammy worthy, yet, but I know that I must bring together a bunch of people that would assist me on my journey to musical mediocrity. I'm not saying that this band of people will be the best of all bands, I am just saying that these people would best be my homies in a band. The name of my band has yet to be decided, but I am sure that it will be a good one. I will now introduce the people that will be a part of this group of musical talent. At this point, I must apologize. I seem to be unable to form sentences properly. What I am trying to do here is form a band that is made up of people I really like and think would be awesome to have in a band with myself.
Guitar
Dan Auerbach from the band The Black Keys
Some of you people may be thinking, why? Well I'll tell you why. This dude can give a new meaning for cool. He can play both the guitar and sing, but it is his guitar skills that I am praising. He likes to wear sunglasses a lot. I find that to be pretty off the hizzle. He is from the town of Akron, Ohio, which he proudly admits. If he was to be in the dream band, he would add the swag that it needs.
Bass
Simon Rix from the band Kaiser Chiefs
Oh, yeah. That dude. Sadly, I might be three for three with naming guys from bands that have never heard of. But if you have heard of either of these two bands, good for you. You share some of my musical tastes. This bass playa (yeah, I said playa) was born in England. Because he tends to have long curly hair, he is sometimes called, "Jesus." In my book, if you have a nick name, you must be pretty cool. I personally like his bass playing, although that should go without saying. If he was in my actual band, he would at a funky beat in the background.
Simon Rix from the band Kaiser Chiefs
Oh, yeah. That dude. Sadly, I might be three for three with naming guys from bands that have never heard of. But if you have heard of either of these two bands, good for you. You share some of my musical tastes. This bass playa (yeah, I said playa) was born in England. Because he tends to have long curly hair, he is sometimes called, "Jesus." In my book, if you have a nick name, you must be pretty cool. I personally like his bass playing, although that should go without saying. If he was in my actual band, he would at a funky beat in the background.
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| This bass player means business |
Drums
Brian Chase from the band The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Some of you may know him. Some of you may have know idea who he is. I have never met this individual in person, but I do know that he plays the drums. I find his beats to be off the hizzle. He even holds his drum sticks in a traditional grip, making his drum playing to be more advanced than mine. What you guys should really know about him is that I find him to be very cool, so naturally, you should think the same way. If it makes you feel any better, he grew up in Long Island, New York.
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| Drummer extraordinaire |
Designated Clapper
Me from the band (Insert Band Name)
You know how in some songs, there is someone clapping to the beat of the song. I feel I could totally be that person. Songs like "Car Wash" and "Dog Days Are Over" can be defined by the claps that go on in the background. I could be a serious driving force behind the band. I could also be the cowbell, triangle, or electric triangle player. Yes, I am not from a certain band, but musicians have to start somewhere. For those of you who do not know what I look like, here is a picture:
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| Me |
Singer
I am torn between several singers. This is where you, the people, get to choose from:
Matt Berninger from the band The National
The person I am about to present to you has the voice of someone that is not me. I am not a singer, but this guy really is. If you just kick back and really listen to some of his songs, you can hear a bit of awesomeness. He is from Cincinnati, but don't let that discourage you. This guy can really hit the notes we want to hear.
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| Possible Singer |
Justin Vernon from the band Bon Iver
For you French language lovers out there, Bon Iver sounds a lot like bon hiver doesn't it? Well that was this singer's intention. This guy can also sing better than me. He is from Wisconsin. I find his voice to be emotionally connected with the audience so he could really kick it into gear when we go on our two month tour to Australia.
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| Possible Singer |
Florence Welch from the band Florence + The Machine
Didn't think I'd throw a female in there, did you? Well I considered Lady Gaga at one point, but I decided she would steal the show from the true talent (not me, I'm just a clapper). Florence (I hope she's okay with me calling her either Florence or Flo) has a very significant voice that you just can't forget because of the power she sings with. She is from London.
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| Possible Singer |
James Mercer from the band The Shins and Broken Bells
Ooh, that guy. He is from Hawaii, which you couldn't tell by looking at him, the caucasian. He was raised in New Mexico, which might account for his U.S. citizenship. I truly dig his relaxed way of singing. He can hit the high notes, he can hit the low notes, and gosh darn it, he can even hit the medium notes.
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| Possible Singer |
James Murphy from the band LCD Soundsystem
I just had to go with five singers didn't I? Well this person here is not the sixth favorite person on this list. They are all very dear to me. I just can't choose between them. This guy seems to put passion into every note that he writes and sings. He may not win American Idol or anything like that, but he can be a driving force behind the band that has yet to be named. As a bonus, LCD Soundsystem is over. He has a free schedule.
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| Possible Singer |
On a sliding scale with no units, minimums, or maximums, I'd say this guy is about a 3.7. He has that voice that if it were to be converted into food, it would be a cherry because of how sweet it is. He can also arrange harmonies for all of us other yokels to sing in the background. We may be terrible in comparison but at least on stage we will all be included in the fun. He is from Seattle.
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| Possible Singer |
No, he is not the father of all the other band members. That rumor was proved false on the show "Maury". This guy seems to have that passion for singing as a silverback gorilla has a passion for kicking the crap out of anything that walks into its territory. This guy was originally born in Anaheim, California, but was raised in London, England. The British accent could definitely work in his favor.
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| Possible Singer |
Emily Haines from the band Metric
Okay, I realized that there were too many male candidates without an equal representation of females. Well, I'm sorry to say this, but I just like some other male singers better. But this paragraph is starting to turn away from the main focus, which is Emily Haines. She's a Canadian singer whose birthday is unknown except for the year (at least it is on the Wikipedia page of her). You may find her voice a little different, especially when she sings words like, "world" and "choices," but I personally like it. She was born in New Delhi.
Producer
Okay, I realized that there were too many male candidates without an equal representation of females. Well, I'm sorry to say this, but I just like some other male singers better. But this paragraph is starting to turn away from the main focus, which is Emily Haines. She's a Canadian singer whose birthday is unknown except for the year (at least it is on the Wikipedia page of her). You may find her voice a little different, especially when she sings words like, "world" and "choices," but I personally like it. She was born in New Delhi.
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| Possible singer |
Producer
Brian Burton a.k.a. Danger Mouse
Does this band really need a producer? I would go with the answer of "yes" since I have no idea what direction this band is heading in. I personally like what Danger Mouse has done for the musical world. He was a part of the making and producing of the following acts:
Beck, The Black Keys, Broken Bells, Cee-Lo Green, Danger Doom, The Good, the Bad and the Queen, Gorillaz, Gnarls Barkley, Jemini, Joker's Daughter, MF Doom, Sparklehorse, and Underground Animals. He is also producing/produced an album for the band U2. He looks like a pretty cool dude. I think he would be a fun addition to the band that I am forming.
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| Producer with many hats |
Tour Manager/Regular Manager
Tom Hanks
Why not? He could handle a rowdy group like us. 'Nuff said.
Other Instruments
All the people in Animal Collective from the band Animal Collective
They can play those keyboards like nobody's business. The thing is, They may not fit into every single song that our band makes. They can be featured in a song, that seems to be the craze of today. They would be a neat addition, but a permanent "Band Member" I.D. tag will not be made for them. They do get an honorable mention.
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| Close, but no band spot |
I might get kicked out of this group. I might have brought in people that will not mix well with each other. This band may such a bad mix that I will get stabbed in a dark alleyway somewhere. In that last sentence, those two events would normally be independent, but in this dream band scenario, anything could happen. I look forward to your feedback on the band that has just been created.
The Daumenator has spoken
























