My Twitter Account

Okay, I must confess something. Everything that you have read in this post has been a lie. I do not actually have a Twitter account, but I do think about having one sometimes. I have taken some time to think about what I would write if I did have a Twitter account. I ended up just asking a lot of questions.

• Today I made myself a sandwhich.
• Question: How do we even know that ninjas exist If we never see them?
• Today I made myself two sandwhiches. Progress is being made.
• I pretended I saw someone famous today. Turns out it was just a mailman (or was it?)
• My fish ate the food I fed him today. I'm so proud.
• I pretended to be someone famous today. The paparazzi didn't show up.
• Are there ninja conventions? Stupid question; of course there are.
• Someday I'll have enough money to slap a robot in the face, but for now people will do.
• I never seem to care about the number of characters in these tweets.
• Why are they called characters? They're not fictional?
• I sometimes look at my fish and wonder who his ancestors were. Probably no one famous.
• Question: Are there any living famous fish?
• Puppets: overrated or underrated? I can't decide.
• I found out that you stop getting better with handwriting in the fourth grade.
• You can't argue with science.
• You can definitely argue with everything else.
• When people wonder about extraterrestrial life, I think ,"why would they want to come here?"
• Question: Has anyone used a snake to whip people?
• Where do they manufacture ninja stars or are they handcrafted?
• Today I went to a place called Wetzel's Pretzels: Best pretzel ever.
• I didn't see a moose today, I was disappointed once again.
• Why is an entire measuring system based off of the length of a king's foot?
• I saw a squirrel today, I was disappointed once again.
• For those of you who are still keeping score: Wetzel's Pretzels: Best pretzel ever.
• I bought some necessary items today: extremely confidential stuff. (Toothpaste)
• I really I don't end up being a cat lady; especially since I am a guy
• Does anyone criticize the movie critics?
• I am disappointed in the website that has my last name as a domain; it's in french.

If anyone wants to create a Twitter account for me, go ahead. I just don't want any part of it.


Oh hey, I can't decide on something about this picture. Is it a tiny violin or is it a really large thumb? I'm the fence here and I'm looking for opinions.

The Daumenator has spoken

Written Excitement

"Whoa!"
"Woo Hoo!"
"Ahhhhh!"
"Aaaahhhhhh!"
"Arghhh!"

These are just a few examples of what a person can say when they are excited or are just blurting out something in general. There are some phrases that are set in stone like "whoa" but what about some other ones that aren't so clear? Do you write them like how they are pronounced or do you try to get phancy (replace f with ph for extra phanciness) with silent letters? I came across this problem when I was reading subtitles. The script called for the actors to say something along the lines of "whoa" but it was written, "whoaoaoaeoioa." When I first read that I thought, do you really pronounce it that way? Well I sould let the truth be told. I don't really know. At this poont on, I am truly making this stuff up. Please do not try to fact check my words or anything like that. You'll just get a bunch of Hooblaboogle.

Writing exclamations first apeared in the San Francisco Cronicle in 1874. There was a cartoon in which a little peasant boy was standing under a ladder with some paint cans on top. Wouldn't you know it, but the ladder began to fall and then all of a sudden, the subtitles of the comic read out to be, "woaoao!" which was then followed by a, "jeepers," once the kid knew he was okay.

Now the other origin of written excitement is debatably Belgium in 1874 as well. In the capital of Belgium (which was unknown at that time) a trial was taking place. In Belgium, they write down everything that is said in the courtroom. During this particular trial of Sven v. Grover the defendants lawyer accidentally spilled his cup of water without noticing. The prosecution lawyer then went up to the judge and then slipped on the water  yelled out "Woaoao!" as he fell to the floor. And that is how the Belgians tell that story to this very day.

The Daumenator has spoken

Double Jump vs. Triple Jump

Hopefully you readers already know what I'm talking about here: Video games and Track and Field. In a video game, there are times when the character can jump and then all of a sudden, jump again; right in mid-air. Not only does it defy gravity but it can help you get so much higher. As for Triple Jump, it's where a person runs down a stretch of track and hop three times to see how far they can get after they get a running start. The current world record for men is 60.0 ft which is held by Jonathan Edwards of Great Britain. Now I don't know about you, but that is pretty far. Today, we will analyze these two jumping methods and decide which is better.

Vertical Height

Double Jump: Double jump is mainly used to get extra height to get to that really high ledge. Examples of a double jumper getting extra height looks like this:

Height, indeed

Triple Jump: This is a simple hop, skip, and a jump type of jump. You as the Triple Jumper are really going just for the long run so you are not really focusing on getting some air time.

See,  just a woo-hoo not at YIPEE! kind of jump

Edge: Double Jump

Horizontal Distance

Double Jump: Like I said before, Double Jump is all about getting up in the air for some really photogenic stuff. It's not really about going forward. Although, it can be used for getting over a really long obstacle. This can be a small factor in the Double Jump world.

Triple Jump: Seeing that the world record is 60 ft, this shows that you can definitely get some space in between you and the starting place. But really gives this jump punch is that the first picture I first tried to upload took about 5 minutes because of its sheer horizontal width.

Edge: Triple Jump

Science Defying Feats

Triple Jump: Science has this one down to a science. (No Pun Intended)

Double Jump: Did I say that you jump again using the air around you to push off of? (No Pun Intended. No really, If you saw a pun there, you CrAzY)

Edge: Double Jump

Realistic-ness

Double Jump: So far, I have only found this in the world of fiction.

Triple Jump: I have seen this in both the real world and in Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games on the Wii. That game is hard stuff when it comes to long and triple jump.

Edge: Triple Jump

Popularity

Confession: I might be the only won who makes a really big deal about these two jumps being clashed together in a comparative showdown. I am also not really a judge of popularity. Why I created this category, I don't really know.

Edge: Indefinite

Total Edge: Triple Jump.

Reasoning: It's triple the jump. Last time I checked, triple rewards were way better than double rewards. You would much rather hit a triple in baseball than a double. Plus, when you intentionally stutter, triple just sounds cooler. (Tr-tr-tr-triple and d-d-double) Anyway, this was my opinion. I did not have a panel of judges and I might have been a little bit biased but at least I came up with a decision.

The Daumenator has chosen

Brain Sharks

They are an ancient breed, but oh they are deadly. With twice the brain power of a normal hammerhead shark, Brain Sharks are both capitalized in their names and are capitally lethal. Capitally is just the type of word that they would come up with too. Brain Sharks are a force to be reckoned with and they, at any time, could wash up on our shorelines and invade land animal style. This is why we have the Coast Guard. For those of you who don't know what a Brain Shark looks like, here is an accurate drawing:

Brain Shark that's not in it's natural habitat (paper)

Now that you have seen the beast, you can now see that its enormous brain allows the shark to be super intelligent. But what can we, the people of a country somewhere, do about this natural disaster that is just waiting to happen? Well I have some ideas that may help you and your acquaintances survive a Brain Shark attack:

1) Run On Land: Brain Sharks may be fast and smart, but we are just a little bit faster on land so your first instinct is to run. Running in a straight line is preferred, but if you want to look like a spaz, running in a serpentine fashion is okay with me. (By the way, I just got spell-checked for the word "spaz." Suggestions included "Paz," "spa," "spam," "span," "spar," "spas," "spat," "spay," and "spa z." I have many issues with this, but Brain Sharks are a little more important.) Serpentine may work with alligators, but Brain Sharks will just laugh at you while they chew on your legs.

2) Wear Helmets Made of Metal: Brain Sharks have not developed the ability to penetrate a human's mind (yet) but it is always good to be on the safe side. Brain Sharks have a natural aversion to metal so this is always a good way to keep them from eating your head first. Plus, scientists have determined that metal helmets will keep out telekinetic thoughts, so if you meet any animal that has those powers, you are covered.


3) Write an Insightful Essay: Brain Sharks are always looking for ways to further their intelligence. Giving them essays about certain topics such as board game strategy or jazz hands will stall them in their attack. They are like English teachers when they grade your essay and then pursue you further in their attack. They love a good idea.

As I said before, Brain Sharks are interesting creatures. No one knows where they came from or if they are related to any one specific shark. Stay away from them and you shall have no trouble, but watch out. On land, they can still chase you, which is why the Great Wall of China was built.


Oh, by the way, this is a test of whether or not something technically works. I hope it does. A way to test whether or not this works is by making sure that the thingy (if there is one) plays the song "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People

Conclusion: I probably won't do this again. It was too much work and it seems that I really don't like putting too much effort into such things. It was nice at first, but then I realized that doing this for multiple songs would take it's toll. But doesn't it look cool? But this was really a lot of work and I have decided that I won't be doing this again.


Oh and by the way again, in light of recent events. Here is a thousand words for you right here:

The Daumenator has spoken