Friday, September 30, 2011

Top Five

I've been thinking: I ask a lot of people for their top 5 favorite _______ and the same question never seems to be asked of me. Regardless of what others have said, I will tell you my Top 5...

Hats
  1. Top Hat (Duh)
  2. Party Hat (Go Dog Go style)
  3. Bowler Hat
  4. Beret
  5. Dunce Cap

Von Trapp Family Children
  1. Kurt
  2. Gretl
  3. Friedrich
  4. Marta
  5. Lisle

Bands
  1. The Black Keys
  2. Kaiser Chiefs
  3. Arcade Fire
  4. U2
  5. LCD Soundsystem

Names For Robots

  1. Droid
  2. Android
  3. Machine operated object
  4. Human-less cyborg
  5. Beat Box Bro Bot

Countries that are a part of NAFTA

  1. The United States
  2. Canada
  3. Mexico
  4. C-A-N-A-D-A
  5. CaNaDa

Ways to mix up the word "Squiggly"

  1. Giglysqu
  2. Yglquisg
  3. Gqgysilu
  4. Lsqugygi
  5. Gilugqsy

Nationality of my waiter

  1. British (I say that because I don't want one from Wales)
  2. French
  3. Canadien
  4. Spanish
  5. Australian

Things to smash in slow motion

  1. Watermelon
  2. M & M's
  3. Cheap vases
  4. Expensive vases
  5. Dreams

Rankings

  1. First
  2. Second
  3. Third
  4. Twenty-second
  5. Fifth

Things to get for free


  1. Money
  2. Pens
  3. Cars
  4. Food
  5. Something I've never heard of
Ways to end posts
  1. The Daumenator has spoken
  2. TTFN (Ta-Ta For Now)
  3. The Daumenator is awesome
  4. The Daumenator was here
  5. The Daumenator wasn't here

The Daumenator has ranked

Friday, September 23, 2011

This is My Jam

The other day I was talking to someone and all of a sudden, this song came on. The person I was talking to immediately freaks out and says, "This is my jam, yo." I wasn't really paying attention but the I noticed what song it was. It just happened to be a song with an accordion playing in the background while some french guy sang. To be honest; it was awful. I thought, "How could this song possibly make someone want to dance?" I couldn't come up with an answer. I instead came up with additional songs that could definitely be my jam:

Infinity Guitars by Sleigh Bells:
This song is not musically catchy. It is not one of those songs with that nice melody that makes you think of waterfalls and green pastures. It one of those songs where you drive down the highway acting like a total bad*** (I need a clean replacement for that word. Any suggestions of words that hold the same connotative power?) This is a borderline rap song that is programed for loudness. Check the speakers before you hear this song. It could get loud.

Superfreak by Rick James
You can dance to this song if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. I recommend dancing to this song possibly by yourself but this song can take you to your own world of funk. Okay, this may not exactly be funk, but I just want to get funky to it if you know what I mean.

Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna
After hearing this song, I really want to shut up and drive something. This song has an electric guitar that Rihanna plays by herself while she drives a car. By supporting this song, I am not saying Rihanna is off the hizzle, I am just saying the song is no longer on the hizzle. Warning: watch where you play this song. If you play this in a elementary school, you may be sending the wrong message to the children. You also shouldn't play this song in a DMV. The people will get the wrong message and drive to "fast."

Little Secrets by Passion Pit
This used to be my nightly jam (The song I dance to every night before going to bed), but that ship hath sailed. Yes, there are some moments where the song slows down, but that is definitely time to either catch a breather or to practice your slow dance/freestyle. It's probably the drums that make it here, although I am not a music expert. One thing I do know about the music business is that there is a music producer, who I like, who is named, "Danger Mouse."

Next Girl by The Black Keys
I have deemed this band one of my favorites, so you know that I am not messing around. If you want to get your swag on, this, I feel, is the song for you. If you listen to it, I bet that you can just see yourself riding in a car, looking at the neighborhood, and being the dude/dudess that the whole town "respects." (I mean "respect" in the way that scared people respect gangsters. You don't want to mess with them, unless you have a cool name like "Joey Tromboni") If you don't like this as your "jam," that's okay. I'm cool with that. It is just that this song has a very good letter of recommendation from me.

I realize that these are my opinions and everyone is entitled to their own, except for that guy who liked the accordion. If you have any songs that you feel were missed (there only were five so it is pretty likely) let me know. I love a good "jammin'" song.

I will end this with a question: Was it weird that I put the word jammin' in quotations to give the whole phrase two marks on the left and three on the right?

The Daumenator has spoken

Friday, September 16, 2011

Slow Motion

How come everything looks cooler in slow motion? It seems that punching people in the face is so much better than when it is in real time. Is it the jiggling fat that makes the punch seem more punchy or is it the longer amount of time for the audience to empathize with the punchee? (Is punchee a word? I mean, as in the person getting punched by the puncher) Today, I will go in to the world of slow motion to understand why things being slower are somewhat better.

Slow Motion has whooshes

Some of you may be thinking, "what's a whoosh?" Well keep on saying whoosh and might just realize what I am talking about. It's called an onomatopoeia. But whooshes really are that sound of the wind just rushing by or... you know what? Let's let Merriam-Webster define this one for us:
: a swift or explosive rush; also : the sound created by such a rush — often used interjectionally
You see? They're not lethal at all. They are just used in an "interjectional" way, which is code for "deadly." The whole point of this is that the whooshes allow a rush of adrenaline to go through the body and to give the viewer of slow motion to get pumped.

Slow Motion is really just motion

Not locomotion or commotion, but slow motion is possibly a conspiracy theory that really is hinting at the fact that technically we are all in "fast motion." Slow motion is really how we move and we have been tricked into the world where things move faster. I don't know all the "facts" behind this theory but I bet they are juicy

Slow Motion is a time filler

This may be the only legitimate answer, but having slow motion kill some time in a movie is a really good idea. I imagine the director of a movie thinking to himself, "All right, either I can shoot a scene for an hour or shoot it for a minute and slow it down. What should I do." This should be a no-brainer (by no-brainer, I mean "easy to think about" not "zombie" no brainers), he should obviously pick the one that involves less work.

These are the various facts and ideas that I have about slow motion. I prefer not to cite any of my sources. They wish to remain anonymous so I will respect that. Instead, i shall post some pictures of slow motion for the imagery of this passage:
Bullet and flower

Bullet and Fruit
Shoot 'em up!
Formerly a balloon and a pokey thing
In the face!
Formerly a bubble and a pokey thing
The Daumenator has spoken

Friday, September 09, 2011

Bodyguards


You might have seen them, you might have had one, you maybe even got beaten up by one. I'm talking about bodyguards here. Most of them are menacing in a way that makes you think to yourself, "boy, I do not want to mess with that wall of muscle." I find that the best part of bodyguards is their sunglasses.


A bodyguard (or close protection officer) is a type of security operative or government agent who protects a person—usually a famous, wealthy, or politically important figure—from assault, kidnapping, assassination, stalking, loss of confidential information, terrorist attack or other threats.

Most important public figures such as heads of state or governors are protected by several bodyguards or by a team of bodyguards from an agency, security forces, or police forces (e.g., in the US, the United States Secret Service or the State Department's Diplomatic Security Service). In countries where the head of state is a military leader or dictator, the leader's bodyguards may also be part of an elite military unit. Less-important public figures, or those with lower risk profiles, may be accompanied by a single bodyguard who doubles as a driver. A number of high-profile celebrities and CEOs also use bodyguards.




Popular misconceptions




The role of bodyguards is often misunderstood by the public, because the typical layperson's only exposure to bodyguarding is usually in highly dramatized action film depictions of the profession. In contrast to the exciting lifestyle depicted on the film screen, the role of a real-life bodyguard is much more mundane: it consists mainly of planning routes, pre-searching rooms and buildings where the client will be visiting, researching the background of people that will have contact with the client, searching vehicles, and attentively escorting the client on their day-to-day activities.


Breakdown of responsibilities


The role of a bodyguard depends on several factors. First, it depends on the role of a given bodyguard in a close protection team. A bodyguard can be a driver-bodyguard, a close-protection officer (who escorts the client), or part of an ancillary unit that provides support such as IED detection, electronic "bug" detection, counter-sniper monitoring, pre-searches facilities, and background-checks people who will have contact with the client. Second, the role of a bodyguard depends on the level of risk that the client faces. A bodyguard protecting a client at high risk of assassination will be focusing on very different roles (e.g., checking cars for IED devices, bombs, watching for potential shooters, etc.) than a bodyguard escorting a celebrity who is being stalked by aggressive tabloid photographers (e.g., the role will be to ask the photographers to maintain their distance and block the path of aggressive cameramen). Some bodyguards specialize in the close quarter protection of children of VIPs, to protect them from kidnapping or assassination, a role which is nicknamed "mannyguarding" (a pun on the word "nanny").


Driving


In some cases, bodyguards also drive their clients. Normally, it is not sufficient for a client to be protected by a single driver-bodyguard, because this would mean that the bodyguard would have to leave the car unattended when they escort the client on foot. If the car is left unattended, this can lead to several risks: an IED bomb may be attached to the car; an electronic "bug" may be attached to the car; the car may be sabotaged; or city parking officials may tow away the vehicle or place a wheel lock on the tire. If parking services tow away or disable the car, then the bodyguard cannot use the car to escape with the client in case there is a security threat while the client is at his or her meeting.

The driver should be trained in evasive driving techniques, such as executing short-radius turns to change the direction of the vehicle, high-speed cornering, and so on. The car used by the client will typically be a large sedan with a low center of gravity and a powerful engine, such as a BMW or Mercedes Benz. At a minimum, the vehicle should have ballistic glass, some type of armor reinforcement to protect the client from gunfire, and a foam-filled gas tank. "Run-flat" tires and armor protection for the driver are also desirable.

The car may also be equipped with an additional battery; dual footpedal controls, such as those used by driving instruction companies (in case the driver is wounded or incapacitated), a PA system with a microphone and a megaphone mounted on the outside of the car, so that the driver can give commands to other convoy vehicles or bodyguards who are on foot; fire extinguishers inside the vehicle in case the vehicle is struck by a Molotov cocktail bomb or other weapon; a reinforced front and rear bumper, to enable the driver to ram attacking vehicles; and additional mirrors, to give the driver a better field of view.
[edit]Weapons and weapon tactics

US Secret Service agents guarding the former First Lady Laura Bush

Depending on the laws in a bodyguard's jurisdiction and on which type of agency or security service they are in, bodyguards may be unarmed, armed with a less-lethal weapon such as a baton, pepper spray, or Taser, or with a lethal weapon such as a handgun, or, in the case of a government bodyguard for a Secret Service-type agency, a machine pistol[2]. Some bodyguards such as those protecting high ranking government officials or those operating in high risk environments such as war zones may carry sub-machine guns or assault rifles .

In addition to these weapons, a bodyguard team may also have more specialist weapons to aid them in maintaining the safety of their principal, such as sniper rifles and anti-material rifles (for anti-sniper protection) or shotguns (either loaded with buckshot as an anti-personnel weapon or with solid slugs as an anti-vehicle weapon).

The weapons used by the US Secret Service Counter Assault Team (CAT) include SIG Sauer P229 pistols; Uzi submachine guns (sometimes in an attaché case); H&K MP5K submachine guns (sometimes in an attaché case); ColtAR-15 assault rifles; Remington Model 700 bolt-action sniper rifles (with scope); 7.62mm Vaime SSR Mk 2 suppressed bolt-action sniper rifles; McMillan Model 87R bolt-action sniper rifles; Remington Model 870P pump-action shotguns; and the FN P90 personal defense weapon.

Bodyguards that protect high-risk principals may wear body armor such as kevlar or ceramic vests. The bodyguards may also have other ballistic shields, such as kevlar-reinforced briefcases or clipboards which, while appearing innocuous, can be used to protect the principal. The principal may also wear body armor in high-risk situations.


Counter-sniper weapons and tactics


For a close protection officer, the primary tactic against sniper attacks is defensive: avoid exposing the principal to the risk of being fired upon. This means that the principal should ideally be within an armored vehicle or a secure structure. As well, when the principal moves between a vehicle and a building, the principal must be moved quickly to minimize the time window in which a sniper could take a shot and use a flanking escort of close protection officers to block the view of the sniper and any potential shot that the sniper may take. The use of offensive tactics against snipers will occur very rarely in a bodyguard context. Nevertheless, some bodyguard units do have anti-sniper weapons, such as the US Secret Service Counter Assault Team, which is equipped with several sniper rifles.


Daily tasks


A bodyguard team protecting a high-profile politician who is at risk of attack would be based around escorting the client from a secure residence (e.g., an embassy) to the different meetings and other activities he has to attend during the day (whether professional or social), and then to escort the client back to his residence.

Planning and assigning responsibilities



The day would begin with a meeting of the bodyguard team led by the team leader. The team would review the different activities that the client plans to do during the day, and discuss how the team would undertake the different transportation, escorting, and monitoring tasks. During the day, the client (or "principal") may have to travel by car, train, and plane and attend a variety of functions, including meetings and invitations for meals at restaurants, and do personal activities such as recreation and errands. Over the day, the client will be exposed to a range of risk levels, ranging from higher risk (meeting and greeting members of the public at an outdoor rally) to low risk (dining at an exclusive, gated country club with high security).

Some planning for the day would have begun on previous days. Once the itinerary is known, one or more bodyguards would travel the route to the venues, to check the roads for unexpected changes (road work, detours, closed lanes) and to check the venue. The venue needs to be checked for bugs and the security of the facility (exits, entrances) needs to be inspected. As well, the bodyguards will want to know the names of the staff who will have contact with the client, so that a simple electronic background check can be run on these individuals.


Searching vehicles


An hour prior to leaving with the client to his first appointment, the driver-bodyguard and another bodyguard remove the cars that will be used to transport the client from the locked garage and inspect them. There may be only one car for a lower risk client. A higher risk client will have additional cars to form a protective convoy of vehicles that can flank the client's vehicle. The vehicles are inspected before leaving.


Transferring client to vehicle


Once the cars have been inspected and they are deemed to be ready for use, they are brought into position near the exit door where the client will leave the secure building. At least one driver-bodyguard stays with the cars while waiting, because the now-searched cars cannot be left unattended. If the convoy is left unattended, an attacker could attach an IED or sabotage one or more of the cars. Then the bodyguard team flanks the client as he moves from the secure residence to his car.


Travelling


The convoy then moves out towards the destination. The team will have chosen a route or two and in some cases it may involve 3 routes that are designated for travel along, which avoids the most dangerous "choke points", such as one-lane bridges or tunnels, because these routes have no way of escape and they are more vulnerable to ambush. In some cases, if the client has to travel by train, the bodyguards will inspect the rail car they are traveling in and the other cars he/she will use.Traveling by transport other than vehicle is very dangerous because of the lack of control over the environment.


Arrival at destination


When the convoy arrives at the location, one or more bodyguards will exit first to confirm that the location is secure and that the staff who were booked to work that day are the ones who are present. If the location is secure, these bodyguards signal that it is safe to bring in the client. The client is escorted into the building using a flanking procedure. If the client is attending a private meeting inside the building, and the building itself is secure (controlled entrances) the client will not need to have a bodyguard escort in the building. The bodyguards can then pull back to monitor his or her safety from a further distance. Bodyguards could monitor entrances and exits and the driver-bodyguard watches the cars.

If the client is moving about in a fairly controlled environment such as a private golf course, which has limited entrances and exits, the security detail may drop down to one or two bodyguards, with the other bodyguards monitoring the entrances to the facility, the cars, and remaining in contact with the bodyguards escorting the client. Throughout the day, as the client goes about his activities, the number of bodyguards escorting the client will increase or decrease according to the level of risk.


Return to secure location


After the day's activities, the client will be brought back to the secure residence location. Exiting from the vehicle and walking to the door exposes the client to risk, that is why you keep the distance as short as possible to cut down the time it takes to reach the door. Once the client is inside, the bodyguards assigned to the overnight detail will take up their positions outside or inside the residence. The vehicles are then parked in a locked garage (to prevent tampering, sabotage, or IED placement). Some team members may spend additional time doing maintenance on the equipment used by the team. The TL (team leader) will ensure that all equipment is checked and packed away for the next day and ensure the radios are being charged for the next day's operation.



Job requirements


The bodyguard of Sheik Abdul Sattar Abu Risha, who was killed by an IED in the assassination of the Sheik in 2007 (He failed)

Bodyguards often work long shifts in order to provide 24-hour protection, and shifts often include evenings, weekends, and holidays. Since bodyguards follow their clients throughout their daily activities, the work locations may range from indoor office meetings or social events to outdoor rallies or concerts. Bodyguards often have to travel by car, motorcycle, train, and airplane to escort their client. In some cases, international travel is required, which means that a bodyguard must have appropriate travel documentation.

Bodyguards often have backgrounds in the armed forces, police or security services, although this is not required. The exception to this is in the case of bodyguards protecting heads of state; in some countries, these bodyguards must be trained in military bodyguard training programs. Military experience in foot patrol and convoys escort through urban areas in conflict or war as in Afghanistan, Iraq, West Bank, Northern Ireland, Beirut, Basque country, Soweto and other areas under non conventional enemy stress aroundcivilians is highly considered and difficult to match with any training time though, usually those experienced do not always seek these careers or further exposure in less stressful circumstances but familiar environments.

Bodyguards must be physically fit, with good eyesight and hearing, and they need to have a presentable appearance, especially for close protection work for dignitaries and heads of state. A drivers license is usually required, so that the bodyguard can double as a driver. In the United Kingdom and some other countries, bodyguards have to have a license or certification with the SIA, which involves identity and criminal record checks. To be a bodyguard in an agency protecting a head of state, a bodyguard will have to undergo extensive background and loyalty checks.

Bodyguards need to be observant, and retain their focus on their job, despite distractions such as fatigue. As well, they need to be able to work as member of a team, with assigned tasks, or be able to act independently, and adapt and improvise an appropriate response if the need arises. Bodyguards need to be able to recognize potentially dangerous situations and remain calm under pressure. A bodyguard has to have a strong dedication to their protective role. Since bodyguards often have to collaborate or coordinate their protection with other security forces, such as local police other private security guards, bodyguards need good interpersonal and communications skills. Since bodyguards accompany their client throughout their day, the bodyguard will be privy to the private life of the client, which means that a bodyguard has to show discretion and maintainconfidentiality.


Training


Bodyguards are trained at The Bodyguard Academy in Georgia under Professor Fickelstein

Bodyguards often have training in firearms tactics, unarmed combat, tactical driving, and first aid. In multi-agent units (like those protecting a head of state) one or more bodyguards may have training in specific tasks, such as providing a protective escort, crowd screening and control, or searching for explosives or electronic surveillance devices ("bugs"). Bodyguards also learn how to work with other security personnel to conduct threat or risk assessment and analyze potential security weaknesses.

Bodyguards learn how to examine a premises or venue before their clients arrive, to determine where the exits and entrances are, find potential security weaknesses, and meet the staff (so that a would-be attacker cannot pose as a staff member). As well, some bodyguards learn how to do research to be aware of potential threats to their client, by doing a thorough assessment of the threats facing the principal[3], such as a protest by a radical group or the release from custody of person who is a known threat. Close protection officers also learn how to escort a client in potentially threatening situations.

The militaries in many countries offer close protection training for the members of their own armed forces who have been selected to work as bodyguards to officers or heads of state (e.g., the British SAS). As well, there are a number of private bodyguard training programs, which offer training in all apsects of Close Protection and in cluding the legal aspects of bodyguarding (e.g., use of force, use of deadly force); how to escort clients; driving; searching facilities and vehicles, and so on.


Notable organizations


In the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries, most bodyguards are former or current police officers, or sometimes former military or other government agency personnel. In countries where the head of state is a military leader or dictator, the leader's bodyguards may also be part of an elite military unit. Such was the case with the Schutzstaffel in Nazi Germany, the former Iraqi Special Republican Guard, or the Praetorian Guard in the Roman Empire, Varengians of the Byzantine Empire , or the Housecarls of the English Monarchs.

In India, VIPs are protected by National Security Guards (NSG), an organization under the Ministry of Home Affairs. The protection of thePrime Minister and some other important persons is entrusted with the Special Protection Group (SPG). SPG was formed as a specialized unit in the protection of Prime Minister and his family members, after the assassination of the then Prime Minister Indira Gandhi, in 1984. Former Prime Ministers also get the protection of SPG for a period of 5 years, after stepping down from the post. The President of India is also protected by SPG while the President's Bodyguards, which is a mechanized regiment of Indian Army, has now a largely ceremonial role. Persons with lower threat level are given security cover by Delhi police in the Capitol and respective state police forces elsewhere.

In Pakistan, the President and Prime Minister receive close protection teams from the military's elite Special Service Group unit. President Pervez Musharraf, as civilian head of state, was due to have this withdrawn after retiring as Chief of Army Staff, but the Pakistan Army has retained his close protection unit.

In Turkey, the President is closely protected by two organizations: the Karşı Saldırı Timi'nde (KST) and the Cumhurbaskanligi Muhafiz Alayi Komutanligi. The KST is an elite counterattack team which provides close protection to the President and the First Family. The Cumhurbaskanligi Muhafiz Alayi is an elite special forces military unit of 65,000 specially selected personnel and is charged with the duty of protecting the President (and members of his family), security of the Presidential palaces and also the manning of the Turkish President's mode of transport (e.g. pilots for TC-ANA, the presidential plane etc.).

In the United States, the United States Secret Service safeguards the lives of the President, his family, and other executive officials, including former presidents and vice-presidents. Another agency, the State Department's Bureau of Diplomatic Security, is responsible for protecting U.S. missions and their personnel overseas, as well as selected dignitaries in the U.S., including the Ambassador to the United Nations, the Secretary of State, and visiting foreign dignitaries other than heads of state. While the Secret Service's close-protection role is its most visible, its historic role as agents of the United States Treasury (although they are now agents of the Department of Homeland Security) made it unusual internationally, as usually "official" bodyguards are part of general police forces.




In the UK during 1913-1914 the suffragette movement did protests in an attempt to change the UK law so that women would be able to vote. After suffragette leaders were threatened, activists formed an all-female close protection unit to protect the leaders of the Women's Social and Political Union both from harassment by the general public and from arrest under the so-called Cat and Mouse Act. In the modern UK, Royalty and Diplomatic Protection Departmentof the Metropolitan Police is responsible for the security of the Sovereign.

In the Vatican, the Pope and other senior Vatican officials are protected by Swiss Guards, Swiss mercenary soldiers who act asbodyguards, ceremonial guards, and palace guards. After the May 13, 1981 assassination attempt on Pope John Paul II by Mehmet Ali Ağca, the guards were given enhanced training in unarmed combat and firearm use.


Fictional individuals


The brave and fiercely protective bodyguard who is willing to die to protect his master has long been depicted in fiction. The character of the Scottish hero Quentin Durward appears in stories as the bodyguard of the king of France. The characterCharles d'Artagnan appears in stories as the bodyguard of the French crown. The character Atticus Kodiak is a professional bodyguard who acts as narrator and protagonist in a series of novels by Greg Rucka. Bodyguards also appear in Usagi Yojimbo, Stan Sakai'santhropomorphic-rabbit samurai based upon Miyamoto Musashi and in the Artemis Fowl series of children's books.

Bodyguards are also depicted in a number of films. Japanese director Akira Kurosawa's film Yojimbo depicts a samurai bodyguard in Japan. The Bodyguard is a film about a bodyguard who protects a celebrity singer. Gogo Yubari is O-Ren Ishii's bodyguard in the film Kill Bill 1. In the science-fiction/fantasy Star Wars films, MagnaGuard is General Grievous's bodyguard, duties performed on special occasions by the Jedi Knights. In the film Lord of War, the main character's brother protects him while he makes arms deals in war-torn countries.

In the film Man on Fire, John Creasy (Denzel Washington) is a burnt-out ex-CIA officer and counter-insurgency operative who grudgingly becomes the bodyguard of a young girl (played by Dakota Fanning). When kidnappers attempt to snatch the girl, Creasy is severely wounded in a gun battle. The film depicts his perseverance in attempting to continue to protect the girl despite his gunshot wounds, until he becomes unconscious. Several films have been made about the Secret Service's role in guarding the President of the U.S., such as In the Line of Fire and The Sentinel.

Bodyguards are also depicted in television shows, comics, and other media. Bodyguard is a Japanese television series starring Reiko Takashima. In the UK,Bodyguards was a late 1990s UK television series about a specialized Close Protection Group that protected members of the UK government. In the Mortal Kombat fighting game series, Sheeva is the personal protector of Sindel. Suki is a Japanese manga about a relationship between a teenage girl and a 32-year old bodyguard. The Human Target is an American comic book and television series about a bodyguard who also works as a private detective who impersonates his principal to draw his would be murderer's attention

In the Artemis Fowl books, Domovoi Butler is a bodyguard with high competences, who comes from a bodyguards family. He is the reason in which I wrote this. Butler was a beast. I'm pretty sure he'd be my first choice of all butlers/bodyguards. My second choice would be his sister, who was equally as deadly.

In the 2009 videogame Grand Theft Auto: The Ballad of Gay Tony, the main character Luis Fernando Lopez works as a bodyguard for the nightclub owner Anthony "Gay Tony" Prince.

This was not entirely written by me. I had some help from Bodyguards Incorporated. Doesn't this make you want to go and get a bodyguard?



The Daumenator has spoken

Friday, September 02, 2011

WIzards

Is it just me, or has the art of wizarding gotten easier? We have gone from the time where wizarding took a carefully drawn circle, chicken's blood, eye of newt, and careful incantations in an unknown language to people just saying, "make it rain," with the wave of a wand. I'm upset by this. So upset that I am writing these sentences out right now. (By the way, I keep getting spell-checked (Is that a verb?) when I use the word wizarding but it has no suggestions for me. Is this the right way to spell it or is this even a word?) But what can we do, as a people, to make wizarding challenging again? Here are my suggestions to the general people about how to make wizards skilled people:
Classic Wizard
Place Password on Wands: "Oh no! I can't make myself a magic sandwich unless I translate this phrase into Latin!" Common fact: the coolest spells are in Latin. By making wizards jump over this hurdle, we are automatically making them smarter with a new language. This also prevents the lazy wizards from taking the easy route of sandwich making. (I keep wanting to spell it "sandwhich." Is that normal?) Sandwich making is an art form. The better the hand-made sandwich, the better the taste.

Wands shalt have timers: Wizards can only use their wands for a limited amount of time. The time has yet to be determined, but it shall be based off of the skill of the wizard (Assessed by the wizard test the WHAT (Wizards Here Are Testing)) and the previous use time of the wand. This prevents wizards from endless magic use. They can't just keep cursing away without curfew.

Wands will be heavier: Add a few pounds to that stick. Make the fat wizards get a workout. This is just a request, not a demand.

Parental Controls on spells: Parents can adjust the setting on the wand so that the ten year old wizard is not killing kids in the park. They can just limit his spells, at most, to transformations, but only into animals that can hold their own against Mike Tyson. Those animals consist of creatures such as lions, tigers, gorillas, and pigeons (See "Taking on Tyson")

Wand Suspension: Are you pissing off the entire world? Well you better watch out because the Magic Enforcing Committee of Enforcement will shut down your power until further notice. There can be appeals for this suspension, but you will be without magic until a verdict is reached.

Magic Slaps to the Face for Stupidity: If the magic world senses you doing something stupid with magic or not with magic, a magical hand will come out of nowhere and slap you. This does not have to be limited to just wizards. I will now talk to my wizard friends about creating a spell that does this to stupid people. It will be a work in progress.

An embarrassment to wizards
Well those are my suggestions for how the wizarding world will improve. For you wizards reading this, I'm sorry if I got my facts wrong. This is, after all, the Internet.


The Daumenator has spoken