"Happy New Year!!!"

The Daumenator

Stories that you really should not tell anyone

Story #1

Once upon a time, there was a chicken. Unfortunately, he was not a lucky chicken. He lived on a farm where the farmers raised chickens to be eaten. One day the chicken was decapitated and eaten on October 19.

Story #2

Once upon a time, there was a fly. He was born, he lived, and he died on the same day.

Story #3

In the jail cells of Spain, there once lived a prisoner. He was in prison for a certain reason but it doesn't matter now because he's in prison now. On one fine day, he got released from his cell and ate breakfast. He drank some wine. He soon went back to his cell. Then, at approximately two o'clock in the afternoon he got released from his cell and ate luncheon. He drank some wine. He soon went back to his cell. Then, around midnight, he got released from his cell and ate dinner. He drank some wine. He soon went back to his cell. He then realized that he didn't like prison. He went to bed.

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Wisdom Words

• I like cheese
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
• Talk louder and you'll probably be right
• WTF (Wow! That's Fancy!; Where's the food?; Who's the Freak?; Who threw fire?; When's the fiesta?; Where's Tom Farthington?; Why talk fast?; Why tell Fred?; Wendy! Think Fast!
• You're going down like steak in the oven of fire
• A black cat crossing you're path signifies that the animal is going somewhere

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Lolly Lolly Lolly get your adverbs here!

Hmmmmm... hmmmmm... hmmmmm!!!

{Ready pop?}
{Yep.}
{Ready son?}
{Mmm hmm!}
{Let's go.}
{Let's go!}
{One, two...}

Lolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here!
Lolly Lolly Lolly, got some adverbs here!
Come on down to Lolly's, get the adverbs here!
You're going to need
If you write or read
Or even think about it.

Lolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here!
Got a lot of Lolly, jolly adverbs here!
Anything you need
And we can make it absolutely clear!

An adverb is a word...   {That's all it is, and there's a lot of 'em!}
That modifies a verb...  {Sometimes a verb!  Sometimes...}
It modifies an adjective,
Or else another adverb.
And so you see that it's positively, very, very, necessary.

Lolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here!
Father, son and Lolly selling adverbs here!
Got a lot of adverbs and we make it clear,
So come to Lolly!

{Hello, folks.  This is Lolly Senior, saying we have every adverb in
the book, so come on down and look!}
{Hello, folks.  Lolly Junior here.  Suppose your house needs painting.
How are you going to paint it?  That's where the adverb comes in.
We can also give you a special intensifier so you can paint it very
neatly or rather sloppily.}
{Hi.  Suppose you're going nut-gathering. Your buddy wants to know
where and when.  Use an adverb and tell him.)

Get your adverb...

Use it with an adjective, it says much more.
Anything described can be described some more.
Anything you'd ever need is in the store,
And so you choose very carefully
Every word you use.

Use it with a verb it tells us how you did.
Where it happened, where you're going, where you've been.
Use it with another adverb at the end, and even more...
How, where, or when, condition or reason...
These questions are answered
When you use an adverb...

{Come and get it!}

Lolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here!
Quickly quickly quickly, get your adverbs here!
Slowly surely really, learn your adverbs here!
You're going need 'em
If you read 'em,
If you write or talk or think about it.

Lolly...

}} {If it's an adverb we have it at Lolly's!
}}  Bring along your old adjectives too, like slow, soft and sure.
}}  We'll fit them out with our "l-y" attachment,
}}  And make perfectly good adverbs out of them!}

Get your adverbs here!
}} {Lots of good tricks at Lolly's, so come on down!}
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
}} {Adverbs deal with manner, place, time...}
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
}} {Condition, reason...}
Father Son and Lolly!
}} {Comparison, contrast...}
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
}} {Enrich your language with adverbs!}
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
{Besides, they're absolutely free!}
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
}} {At your service!}
Indubitably!

The Daumenator has spoken

Wisdom Words

• Similes are not real
• Policemen don't like the British or fancy mustard (Grey Poupon)
• If you hit people with a stick, it will probably make them angry
• A walrus misses his bucket very dearly
• If I was really wise, I wouldn't be living at the top of the mountain now would I?
• "No one goes there any more, it's too crowded" ~ Yogi Berra
• "Play that funky music white boy" ~ Wild Cherry
  

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Sidewalk Stares

I was once walking down the street. (Yeah that's right. I walk.) I saw this old lady who was glaring at me and me, who won't back away from a challenge, glared back. She was thrown off by this but her will was strong. She started to raise her cane, but then she twitched and fell to the ground. I won.

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Houses at Hogwarts

Here is how it goes:

Griffendor: Courageous
Slytherin: Cunning
Ravenclaw: Wise
Hufflepuff: Fat People

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The Weather

Isn't it so wonderful that now it is getting colder and darker outside? To me, this is the greatest time ever when it gets bejeezusly cold out and it is just like an awesomeness pie in the face!

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Blog Entry Endings

The Daumenator has laughed at you
The Daumenator has questioned
The Daumenator has punched someone in the back of the face
The Daumenator has taken a test that no one has really liked
The Daumenator can't dance
The Daumenator, on his free time at school, drops pencils down the sides of the back staircase before school or whenever he feels like it
The Daumenator has shown
The Daumenator has seen
The Daumenator has spoken

Wabbity's Lesson

This was my story for English:
Tell a story to 10-year-olds why you should be grateful.

Once upon a time, there was a monkey, yes, a monkey. He has nothing to do with this story but I'd just like you all to know that he's there. But somewhere in the forest, there lived a rabbit. He had a lovely house which was carved into a tree which he always took for granted because he just had been given it by his parents. He lived next to the Keebler elves who were always so nice to him because they gave him their leftover cookies of the day because they were watching their weights so that they could always fit inside their tiny doors. Wabbity, which was the name of our rabbit, was by far the best runner in the forest. On Thursdays and Fridays, there were races in the forest, and Wabbity always won because he was so fast. But he never practiced for it because he was too lazy to really care. He was also a poor winner because he taunted everyone he beat in the races that he won.

One day, there was a butterfly. She also, like the monkey, has nothing to do with this story but I thought you'd just like to know that she was there. Another day, a Goon came into the forest looking for a home. After learning his lesson in another story, he decided he needed a new place to live. He searched the whole forest and didn't find a home. He saw Wabbity's home and asked Wabbity if he could stay at his house for the night. But Wabbity was very mean to the Goon and told him to get lost. Wabbity soon slammed the door on the Goon and he walked away feeling sad. Assuming that everyone else in the forest was like that, the Goon checked into the nearby Three Bear's Inn and slept there for the night.

The next morning, the Goon went out for a nice easy jog. He passed by Pleepy Porcupine's house as Pleepy was waking up. When Pleepy saw the Goon, he shouted, "Hey you! You should enter the races and beat the grumpy bunny this week. The first one's on Thursday." The Goon thought about it for a minute and decided to do it. After all, what had he to lose?

On a cheery Wednesday, Wabbity and his friend Foo Foo were hopping through the forest. They were on their way to get some ice cream. Wabbity wanted Rocky Road and Foo Foo wanted strawberry ice cream. They were taking a shortcut through the field when Wabbity saw the field mice waking up from an afternoon nap.

He pointed them out to Foo Foo and whispered, "Let's go bop those wimps on the head. Wouldn't that be fun? We'll just sneak up there, scoop up those mice and bop them on the head."

Foo Foo looked at him and said, "I don't know man, won't the mice get hurt?"

"Who cares? It'll be fun, watch me." Foo Foo just watched and tried to stop Wabbity while he snuck over to the field mice and then bopped them on the head.

Just then the Good Fairy came out of the sky and said, "Wabbity, you have been a very bunny. I have no choice but to turn you into a GOoN. As for you Foo Foo, for being so kind to the field mice, you can have as much strawberry ice cream as you want. I hope you both have a hunky-dory day." Normally, if you're turned into a Goon, you only have one capitol letter in your name to say how bad you were. But since Wabbity was triply bad, he was now a GOoN. With a flick of her wand, Wabbity was an official GOoN, which qualifies for the GA (Goon Association) and discounts at movie theaters.

Wabbity the GOoN went home after that feeling all woozy. He woke up the next morning feeling full of souch (which has a special kind of feeling). He got dressed for the race and headed down to the track.

When he got there the Goon saw Wabbity the GOoN and welcomed him to the race. When Craig the Crane saw them both there he asked if either of them owned a house. Wabbity the GOoN of course said yes which scared Craig the Crane because of the rule J.324324.4spungungle, if two Goons of any class are in a race together when one has a house and the other doesn't, the winner of the two gets the house and the non-winner (it's much nicer), gets a free picnic but he doesn't get the house.

"Any questions?" asked Craig. "Because you can still drop out of the race if you're too scared." But neither GOoN nor the Goon would step down.

When the race started, Wabbity the GOoN felt like he was going to puke but the Goon on the other hand got off to a rocket start. History peop0le later believed that because the Good fairy had just cast a spell on Wabbity the GOoN, he still felt to new to being a GOoN so he couldn't take it. The Goon won the race and because he had beaten another Goon, he transformed back into a pizza turtle named Tony. He also got a new house which made him very happy.

On the other side of the forest, Wabbity the GOoN realized that there was more to life than winning, so he traveled to the nearest forest to teach the next new GOoOoOoOoOoON a lesson.

The Daumenator has spoken

Wisdom Words

• Metaphors aren't real
• Don't do that
• Stop ruining my slogans with your logic!
• Whoop de do! Let's go to the Whoop De Doo Revue!
• Try something less complicated like Quantum Physics
• It's a good thing I studied reincarnation at the Indian Institute of Technology

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Click on this to enlarge it

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Woo!

Freaky Freaky Freaky Freaky Fresh! Word!

Got to this site. It is funny for those who like stupid golfers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcU8kNjjIZw&feature=related

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The Olympics

The other day, I had a dream. There was a spaceship that landed on Earth and there was a challenge that if one Earthling can beat their rocks in the total medal count, then our planet wouldn't be ruled by rocks. So I did all the events that required little energy and time and won the the Olympics.

The Daumenator has spoken

A letter from some guy in Beijing to a local newspaper

You know how the Olympics are in some whacked out town called Bay-jingle? Well one day I decided to go there and check out how the Americans are talking smack to everyone there about how good Michael Phelps is and how he just beats everybody and looks good doing it because that's what the Olympics are about, right? All show and maybe a little go. Well when I get to Bay-jingle I see all these crazy Asian people walking around every where acting like they live there or something. It was mucho loco my Hispanic friends! I went to the opening ceremonies and I couldn't believe my eyes! It was like China invaded Bay-shingle! First there are angry Chinese men pounding on drums that turned into light bulbs. Then there was this huge scroll that was rolling across the floor that made it look like some doofus just dropped it there. Then all these Chinese people came out again so I just decided to leave be it was getting too Chinese. My final words are: If your going to have an Olympic Games overrun by Chinese people, At least have in china, not in Bay-shingle!

Potter Puppet Pals

The Potter Puppet Pals theater is now on Youtube so you can enjoy, "The Mysterious Ticking Noise", "The Vortex", "Wizard Angst", and "Wizard Swears." Wizard Swears aren't what you think they are so don't overreact .

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"Walrus Bucket" Google Images Search

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1,005 words

Isn't this a crazy picture?

Style

Are there any blog colors or styles that need to be changed?

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I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts

Here are the lyrics

down at the english fair
one evening i was there
when i heard a showman shouting underneath the flair
*chorus*
i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts
there they are standing in a row
big ones small ones some as big as your head
give 'em a twist
a flick of the wrist
that's wut the show man said
now that i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts
everybody knows they'll make me rich
there stands me wife
the idle of me life
singing a rolly bowly ball a penny a pitch
singing a rolly bowly ball a penny a pitch
rolly bowly ball
a rolly bowly ball
singing rolly bowly ball a penny a pinch

i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts
*how lovely*
there they are standing in a row
*1-2-3-4*
big ones small ones some as big as your head
*and bigger*
give 'em a twist
a flick of the wrist
that's wut the show man said
now that i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts
everybody knows they'll make me rich
*Have a banana*
there stands me wife
the idle of me life
singing a rolly bowly ball a penny a pitch
singing a rolly bowly ball a penny a pitch
rolly bowly ball
a rolly bowly ball
singing rolly bowly ball penny a pinch

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The Olympics

Now that the Olympics are here, I think we will win.

The Daumenator has spoken

Here are my 11 songs I must crank
1. Goody Two Shoes ~ Adam Ant
2. Thunderstruck ~ AC/DC
3. Welcome to the Jungle ~ Guns N' Roses
4. Panama ~ Van Halen
5. What's the Frequency Kenneth? ~ R.E.M.
6. Monkey Wrench ~ Foo Fighters
7. Radio Nowhere ~ Bruce Springsteen
8. La Grange ~ ZZ Top
9. Who Do You Love? ~ George Thorogood & The Destroyers
10. Dancing With Myself ~ Billy Idol
11. Ain't Nothing Wrong With That ~ Robert Randolph and the Family Band

The Relaxation Stations

The video bar to the right is for comical purposes only. Please choose only the top three of each, the bottom ones I'm not sure whether they're appropriate or not.

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Dreams

One night, I had a dream that I was part of the expedition for the Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. When we went into the tomb, some idiot read the summoning tablet just so everyone could hear it. When the guy played by Jet Li (Superstar) came out, he started mouthing off to everyone there and talking smack about me like,"You stink more than year old sushi,"and,"You suck."
It was only harmless at first but then he started criticizing my tennis skill and that's where he crossed the line. So then I used my Kung Fu Panda skills and sat on him and busted him open. I then put on my bowling shoes and did a victory dance.

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Polls

The Poll has closed. You can't vote any more.

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Polls

I have experienced some problems with voting in the polls. If anyone else has had this problem or another problem with this blog please let us know so that we can fix the problems.

The Daumenator has been outspoken.

The Elk is a sort of looking at cars passing by

The bear was 20 feet away from the road where about 20 cars were parked

The geyser is Beehive Geyser, Which is bigger than Old Faithful and lasts longer

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Out West

This is just a sample of Yellowstone National Park at sunset.

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Wisdom Words

Party like you are at a party!!!

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Letter from the Editor

Some of you have noticed that lately my posts have been at certain times like 4 in the morning. Well that is because I said my country is South Georgia and the south Sandwich Islands because it sounded like a cool place to be from. But it is by the country of Turkey in the Middle East so it is why I post at such weird hours.

I'm sorry for the confusion

Fake Dude

• Have you ever been asked to give personal information on the internet?
• Have you ever tried to create a fake person so that you didn't give yourself away?
• What is your fake person?
• What is the ultimate:
• Male Female or Other choice
  
• First name
• Last name
• Middle name
• Address
• Phone Number
• Zip Code
• Time Zone
  
• Country
• Favorite Color
• Password

Please list your favorites as we try to make the ultimate non-being

The Daumenator has spoken.

Fo' Shizzle

Google

I tried to see if I could find this blog by using Google and I mostly came up with nothing but sites from Japan so I am going to put this spot on the map.
J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town J Town

4th of July

Now that our nation's birthday has gone and past, here are some ideas on how to prep up for our next anniversary:

• Buy discount fireworks in Wisconsin or Indiana and sneak fireworks across the border
• Ask your village to have an all black firework show just to hear the noise
• Collect all the snaps you can find from now on and eventually drop them all with force on a hard surface by unsuspecting pedestrians
• Create the worlds longest string of firecrackers and have fun
• See if Diet coke and Mentos can be turned into a firework
  

The Rules

The Rules of your list of 11 are:

1. No music with an artist by the name of Beethoven or Mozart
2. Led Zeppelin and Metallica songs are asked to be used sparingly
3. There has to be 11 songs! Not 10 or 12
4. Songs must be crankable! Any song that is deemed uncrankable shall be asked to not be on the list of crankage!

Thank you and Have a Nice Day

Googlewhacks

Google comes from the word googol meaning 1 followed by 100 0's. A googlewhack is when you search two words on Google and get only 1 website. I will try and show you some site where you can find these out or you can list some of your own here.

Game Shows

If you had to come up with a game show, what would it be like? The perfect one for me would have:

• A host in a classic bad suit with orange and green stripes and a toupee
• A chance for redemption that involves guessing how many ants are in a jar
• Some stupid people every day that test everyone's patience and always get questions wrong
• The main games consisting of pogo stick, hopscotch, and jump rope contests against the underworld ruler, Glackmack the impenetrable, and Osvaldo the bear
  
• Some guy in a chair bleeping out random words that are suitable for children, just hates the show and host, and wants to bring it to ruins with catch phrases
  

Please come up with your own game show ideas

Annoying

101 Ways To Annoy People @ http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Misc-Jokes/101-Ways-To-Annoy-People.html

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Here is one of my most favorite stories

I once had a dream where I was stuck in Alaska as the governor. I had been voted into office by a group of fish. Alaska was very cold and Barney was my secretary. There was a mutiny and he took over. As I was leaving Alaska , Old Whiskey Willie sent a stampede of giant bouncing M&M's my way. As I was leaving Alaska, the billboards turned into weather signs saying I was going to die in 10 minutes if I didn't get on the ferry Juvenile. I did make it just in time so all was saved.

Do you have songs that you must crank up every time you hear them? Please create a list of 11 and only 11 songs that you must crank up.

Insert awesome stories here